🐾 OFFICIAL MEMO FROM BONGOTitle: WE DON’T DO FRACTIONS, WE DO FIERCE
Classification: Internal Use Only — Not for Weak Apps
To: Any chart, app, or algorithm attempting to label my human as “overweight”
From: Bongo, Head of Household Security & Vibe Enforcement
Date: ImmediatelyListen up.
My human isn’t “overweight.”
She is over-prepared, over-delivered, over-qualified, and over your bullsh*t.She can:
– Lift groceries in one arm while unlocking the door with her pinky
– Carry emotional loads bigger than your servers
– And still show up for her health with grace and sass (and Pilates gear that doesn’t squeak)So unless your app can:
– Warm her spot on the couch,
– Detect anxiety from across the room,
– Or guard the yard from emotionally unstable squirrels...You’re not qualified to assess her.Effective immediately, I’m issuing a cease and desist:
~ No more notifications implying she’s “less than”
~ No more nudging her to “burn off” food
~ No more charts that don’t account for power, poise, and purring approvalYou may consider this memo her emotional armor.
Signed with claws.
Backed by loyalty.
Sealed with a tail flick.Respectfully but not politely,
BONGO
Chief Enforcer of Feral Standards
🐾 The Muscle of the House
🐾 OFFICIAL MEMO FROM RALEIGH
Title: Darling, You’re Playing It Too Safe
Classification: Career Intervention — Executive Review RequiredTo: The Human at a Professional Crossroads
From: Raleigh, CEO of the Couch & Chief Career StrategistDarling, your career choices are… interesting. And not in the “write-a-book-about-it” way — more in the “safe as a mouse at a cat convention” way. I’ve been alive for twelve years, which in feline terms makes me ancient, wise, and entirely unafraid to tell you what you don’t want to hear.Here’s the truth: playing it safe may keep your paws clean, but it also keeps you from catching the big fish (or at least the really juicy tuna cans). Take the risk. Make the leap. Send that bold email. Apply for the job that scares you. What’s the worst that could happen? You fail? At least then you’d have time to reorganize your closet — which, frankly, is the bigger problem.Consider this your executive order to shake things up. My personalized cat letters aren’t just sass for show — they’re tactical motivation wrapped in fur and delivered with precision. Now go prove to me you’re worth the window seat in my office.Respectfully,
Raleigh
Chief Arbiter of Bold Moves & Better Outfitsesides, I need better stories to judge.
I've been watching you scroll mindlessly through social media for hours. Hours. That novel you've been "working on" for three years has fewer words than your average Twitter rant.Stop procrastinating. Create something. Your potential is being wasted on cat videos. Ironic, I know.
🐾 LETTER FROM MADDELYNN
Title: I Still See You
Classification: Personal — From Beyond the NapDear Sophie,I’ve been watching you. Not in the way I used to, from the corner of the couch with my tail wrapped neatly around me, but from a place where the light never fades and naps are endless. And I see what you’ve been carrying.Your smile is still there — but sometimes it’s thinner now, like it has to fight its way past the weight in your chest. You move through the day with that quiet strength you’ve always had, but I notice the moments when you shrink a little, when the air around you feels heavier. I want you to know… I notice.You’ve always been my human. My safe place. The one who fed me, loved me, and let me be exactly who I was. You gave me dignity, comfort, and a home where I was never made small. That’s what you deserve too.I wish I could curl up on your lap right now, press my head into your hand, and purr until the ache loosens. But since I can’t, I’ll leave you with this: you are still the person who gave a stubborn, particular cat like me the perfect life. You still deserve gentleness. You still deserve a place where your heart feels safe.When you doubt that, remember this — I never once questioned if I was loved when I was with you. And I never will.I’m still here, watching. Still yours.With love that never leaves,
Maddelynn
Keeper of Quiet Truths & Warmest Places