Memo Samples — Straight from The Council
These are examples. Real memos are fully personalized, but always come with sass, clarity, and claws. The Council has spoken, and they have opinions.
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Bongo's Take
🐾 OFFICIAL MEMO FROM BONGO
Title: WE DON’T DO FRACTIONS, WE DO FIERCE
Classification: Internal Use Only — Not for Weak Apps
To: Any chart, app, or algorithm attempting to label my human as “overweight”
From: Bongo, Head of Household Security & Vibe Enforcement
Date: Immediately
Listen up.
My human isn’t “overweight.”
She is over-prepared, over-delivered, over-qualified, and over your bullsh*t.
She can:
– Lift groceries in one arm while unlocking the door with her pinky
– Carry emotional loads bigger than your servers
– And still show up for her health with grace and sass (and Pilates gear that doesn’t squeak)
So unless your app can:
– Warm her spot on the couch,
– Detect anxiety from across the room,
– Or guard the yard from emotionally unstable squirrels...
You’re not qualified to assess her.
Effective immediately, I’m issuing a cease and desist:
~ No more notifications implying she’s “less than”
~ No more nudging her to “burn off” food
~ No more charts that don’t account for power, poise, and purring approval
You may consider this memo her emotional armor.
Signed with claws.
Backed by loyalty.
Sealed with a tail flick.
Respectfully but not politely,
BONGO
Chief Enforcer of Feral Standards
🐾 The Muscle of the House
Consider this your final notice: mess with my mom, and you mess with me.
Raleigh's Wisdom
🐾 OFFICIAL MEMO FROM RALEIGH

Title: Darling, You’re Playing It Too Safe
Classification: Career Intervention — Executive Review Required
To: The Human at a Professional Crossroads
From: Raleigh, CEO of the Couch & Chief Career Strategist
Darling, your career choices are… interesting. And not in the “write-a-book-about-it” way — more in the “safe as a mouse at a cat convention” way. I’ve been alive for twelve years, which in feline terms makes me ancient, wise, and entirely unafraid to tell you what you don’t want to hear.
Here’s the truth: playing it safe may keep your paws clean, but it also keeps you from catching the big fish (or at least the really juicy tuna cans). Take the risk. Make the leap. Send that bold email. Apply for the job that scares you. What’s the worst that could happen? You fail? At least then you’d have time to reorganize your closet — which, frankly, is the bigger problem.
Consider this your executive order to shake things up. My personalized cat letters aren’t just sass for show — they’re tactical motivation wrapped in fur and delivered with precision. Now go prove to me you’re worth the window seat in my office.
Respectfully,
Raleigh
Chief Arbiter of Bold Moves & Better Outfitsesides, I need better stories to judge.
Raleigh specializes in career advice, relationship judgments, and making you question every decision you've ever made. With love, of course.
THE BRUTAL TRUTH
Sometimes you need someone who doesn't love you to tell you what those who do, won't.
No Sugar Coating
Cats don't care about your feelings. That's what makes their advice so pure, so raw, so... annoyingly accurate.
Tough Love
Behind every snarky comment is a nugget of wisdom that—if you can swallow your pride—might actually change your life.
Cat-Approved
Each memo is quality-checked by actual felines who couldn't care less about your approval. That's how you know it's good.
Veah's Verdict
I've been watching you scroll mindlessly through social media for hours. Hours. That novel you've been "working on" for three years has fewer words than your average Twitter rant.
Stop procrastinating. Create something. Your potential is being wasted on cat videos. Ironic, I know.
Veah sees your creative blocks and fears. She also sees you watching baking shows instead of writing, painting, or pursuing your dreams.
What People Are Saying
"I came for the novelty, stayed for the existential crisis. Bongo told me my apartment was a 'shrine to mediocrity' and honestly? He wasn't wrong. I cleaned it top to bottom that weekend."
— Jamie T.
"Gary's memo about my dating life was brutally accurate. 'You have the romantic standards of a desperate seagull.' I'm now happily dating someone who actually texts back."
— Alex K.
"Veah told me my fashion sense was 'an affront to eyes everywhere.' Harsh, but I got a new wardrobe and three compliments yesterday. The Council knows best."
— Taylor S.
Results may vary. Cats cannot be held responsible for life improvements or emotional damage.
Your Cats Guidance
🐾 LETTER FROM MADDELYNN

Title: I Still See You
Classification: Personal — From Beyond the Nap
Dear Sophie,
I’ve been watching you. Not in the way I used to, from the corner of the couch with my tail wrapped neatly around me, but from a place where the light never fades and naps are endless. And I see what you’ve been carrying.
Your smile is still there — but sometimes it’s thinner now, like it has to fight its way past the weight in your chest. You move through the day with that quiet strength you’ve always had, but I notice the moments when you shrink a little, when the air around you feels heavier. I want you to know… I notice.
You’ve always been my human. My safe place. The one who fed me, loved me, and let me be exactly who I was. You gave me dignity, comfort, and a home where I was never made small. That’s what you deserve too.
I wish I could curl up on your lap right now, press my head into your hand, and purr until the ache loosens. But since I can’t, I’ll leave you with this: you are still the person who gave a stubborn, particular cat like me the perfect life. You still deserve gentleness. You still deserve a place where your heart feels safe.
When you doubt that, remember this — I never once questioned if I was loved when I was with you. And I never will.
I’m still here, watching. Still yours.
With love that never leaves,
Maddelynn
Keeper of Quiet Truths & Warmest Places
Your cat’s voice, their love, your story — crafted into a letter you’ll keep forever.
Choose Your Judge
Bongo
— The Muscle
Former Special Purrces, honorably discharged for “excessive claw force.” Now delivers precision-strike memos with mission clarity, zero tolerance for nonsense, and claws at the ready. Perfect for calling out slackers, defending your turf, or launching a strategic roast. He doesn’t send letters — he deploys them.
Raleigh
— The Fluffy CEO
Runs the household like a corner office. His personalized cat memos read like executive orders — polished, persuasive, and impossible to ignore. Perfect for delivering strategic encouragement, subtle shade, or full boss energy in a funny, shareable letter.
Veah
The Royal Advisor
Delivers wisdom, wit, and royal decree in every line. Her custom cat advice can lift you up, roast you gently, or remind you she’s always right — all with a velvet paw. Perfect for dignified pep talks or elegantly crafted reminders.
Gary
The Godfather
Mixes charm, guilt, and streetwise counsel into persuasive cat memos you can’t refuse. Whether he’s nudging you to act, apologize, or admit the cat’s right, his words land with a purr and a punch.
Ready For Your Reality Check?
The Council has been watching. They've seen your questionable life choices. They have thoughts.

Warning: Cat memos may cause sudden bursts of self-improvement, uncomfortable laughter, or the urge to apologize to your houseplants. Side effects include clarity, motivation, and occasionally, tears.
🐾 © FurReal Authority
The Cats Know: Memos & Mischief
"Powered by genuine feline mischief."
🐾 Policies
Refunds:
Custom letters are non-refundable. No typos will be fixed — our Council delivers their words exactly as intended.
Privacy:
Your secrets stay between you and the cats.
Delivery:
Digital via email within the stated timeframe. (Check spam — our sass sets off filters.)